I guess this is why we pray. When we have nothing left to say; when we are too overwhelmed with the world around us; when we find our hearts are too weak to even beat; we pray. We pray for relief; for a way out; for an answer; for a sign that things will get better. We pray. Even if we don’t believe in God, we get down on our knees or stand in circles hand-in-hand or sit behind the steering wheel with our heads resting on the backs of our hands asking God to give us strength. We ask for something to change in our lives. When our backs are against the wall, we humble ourselves, believer or not, and say, “I need you to show me something because the way things are right now, I don’t know if I can make it. If you’re out there, answer me.”
One thing you learn in church is that God answers every pray. Every last one. For some, this may be hard to believe. You may have been praying for as long as you can remember and have yet to receive an answer. I know. I’ve been through the same. But I believe it. I believe that He hears us. He hears all of us. I believe that as each tear falls from our eyes, He wraps His arms around us. It’s when we close our ears and expect our own answers that we fail to see what God has planned for us. It’s when we try to take our situations into our own hands that we fall flat on our faces and curse His name. We ask, “Why Lord?! Why me?” I asked it a thousand times, and I was always given an answer. Whether it came in that second or two years later, I found my answer. I found relief where I never thought I could find it.
I’ve lost. I’ve been lost. I’ve experienced my fair share of grief and always find myself looking to Him for some clarity. And He gives it to me.
My faith weavers. My prays get shorter and shorter and when I find myself in deep need of something, I turn back to Him. I’m learning to always hold onto Him and believe in Him. I’m learning not to just pray when my back is against the wall… but it’s hard.
My heart… my heart is set in stone, and every time I chip away a piece, a bigger one grows in its place. So, I pray.
I pray that one day, God will give me the strength to break away the stone on my heart. I pray. Especially now.